it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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