This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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