oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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