hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
