Please don't use social media to get back at me.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
