I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
