am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
