I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
