That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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