The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
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I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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