U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
