He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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