It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
