That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
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