well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I got inside last night via doggy door
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
