You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
