it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
