I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
