youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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