so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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