Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
im six kinds of drunk right now
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
