The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
