I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
