I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
