hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
