This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
