Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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