you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
