Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
