i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
