I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
