I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize