Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
