dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
whose ass print is on the piano?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
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