oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
