Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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