So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
