I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
