He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
