Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
