Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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