im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
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I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
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College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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