apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
