Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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