Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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