someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
