Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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