My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Randomize
