I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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