Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
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