apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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