The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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