I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
