I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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