I can tuck mytits in my pants
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
