she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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