His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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