He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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