Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He shit in the fireplace
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
