his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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