omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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