The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
