Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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