I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
