update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Randomize
