I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
