Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
