I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
