i may or may not be watching the land before time
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
