I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
