New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
