fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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