Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
