I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
