I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
