pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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