I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
