i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
