based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
