summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
